Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel lamented the still-pending potential arrest of Donald Trump for campaign finance violations, which will remain unclear since they are now on hiatus. Kimmel quipped, “Having a two-week layoff on a grand jury is leaving us hanging like Trump tried to do with Mike Pence.” “But that’s a different indictment, I think.”
Meanwhile, Trump has tried to gain some favor from anonymous jurors, posting on Truth Social: “I have earned such respect for this great judicial body.”
“And I’ll tell you, if that isn’t the saddest thing you’ve ever read,” Kimmel said. “The great and powerful Donald Trump, feebly accepted all hats from people he would never meet in the last hope that he might somehow flatter them just enough to let him off the hook. I haven’t seen anything so pathetic since asking Stormi to hit him with Forbes.”
It was reported earlier this week that the grand jury would call David Pecker, publisher of the National Enquirer and longtime Trump associate, as the final witness. “That’s kind of poetry, if you think about it,” Kimmel said. “This started with a nose, and now it may end with one.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke about a different grand jury that ordered Mike Pence to testify about Trump’s actions on Jan. 6, specifically what Trump said to Pence in an effort to convince him to try to overthrow the 2020 election. It has already been reported that the former president said to Pence: “You can either go down in history as a patriot or you can go down in history as a race.”
To which Pence replied: What is that? Colbert joked.
“One of the reasons this case may never make it to court is because America may cease to exist,” Colbert continued. Republicans in Congress refuse to raise the debt ceiling, risking a June 5 deadline to avoid a “catastrophic default.”
“Now, I’m sure that’s no good, but at this point, aren’t we all shattered?” Consider Colbert. “If you want to grab our attention at this point, you’re going to have to do more. You’re going to need something scarier than a catastrophic default, like Gonorrhea Gideon or Please Hi Kanye West.”
Biden proposed the budget, which was met with crickets by House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who on Tuesday sent the president a “letter of censure” claiming that “with each passing day, I am deeply concerned that you are really putting the fragile economy at risk.”
“No, you’re not,” Colbert said. “You know how I know you’re not worried? Because you expressed your concern in the slowest possible form of communication, a letter. That’s like saying, ‘Oh no!’ house on fire. Quick, someone hired a barbershop to tell the fire department! “
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Seth Meyers
And late into the night, Seth Meyers entertained Trump’s attacks on his main rival for the GOP nomination, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. In an interview with Fox’s Sean Hannity, Trump alleged that DeSantis begged for his endorsement in 2018 and that if he didn’t offer it, DeSantis “would be working either at a pizza parlor or at a law firm right now.”
“You know Trump’s a New Yorker because the only two professions he can think of are a pizza shop and a law firm,” Myers joked. Although Trump clearly wasn’t inside a pizza place himself since he refers to it as a pizza place.
Myers later added of the embattled network: “Fox have put themselves in a position where they have tied their financial and political success to Trump and his base — a base they helped create.” “But now that Trump is under multiple criminal investigations and has knocked the Republican Party down in those three consecutive national elections, Fox is gently trying to nudge his audience toward DeSantis without alienating them.”
This included Fox commentator and former congressman Jason Chaffetz, who called Trump’s interview with Hannity “terrible” and said, “He’s the former president of the United States! Act like that!”
“I’m sorry, what were you expecting Donald Trump — a Donald Trump who whines and complains and plays the victim card, or a Donald Trump who doesn’t exist? Because there’s only the first one,” Myers replied. “He got two strikes: hitting down and playing the victim. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. And as much as the rest of us hate it, for Republican voters, it’s not a bad thing for Trump.
“That’s why he’s the frontrunner for the Republican Party,” he added. “Either these guys still don’t get it or they’re just pretending not to have it because they don’t want to admit that they’ve dedicated their lives to a morally and ideologically bankrupt political movement whose main goals are lower taxes, making it easier for people to get guns and losing their shit over the fact that M&M Green no longer gives them more.
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